Friday, January 19, 2007

Live from New York, it's the New New Cactus and Reed Show with tonight's guest, Mrs. Salman Rushdie, Padma Lakshmi, Kiefer Sutherland, and Wong Hoy.

Tonight on the Cactus and Reed Show, we welcome former model and current host of TV's hit reality show, Top Chef, Padma Lakshmi. Padma has been oft-criticized for her lack of actual food knowledge and her regular pot smoking, but frankly, no one can look as good tasting Ilan's already-ran Spanish dishes or pout as well eating Marcel's foams as Padma can. She is also terrific at saying "Kenmore Pro Kitchen."

Thursday, September 22, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with Britain's favorite virgin, Richard Branson, Sting, Frank Gore, The High Commissioner, and Doug S.

Flying in on one of his Virgin Atlantic jets, today's guest, Richard Branson. Earlier today Branson anounced the donation of $3 billion to fight global warming. The donation was part of Bill Clinton's (considered by many to be America's Greatest President) Global Initiative which promotes action in fighting global warming, poverty, AIDS, and racial and ethnic reconciliation. While the leaders over at the U.N. were busy talking, members of Clinton's initiative were actually getting things done. Branson also took this opportunity to apologize for his horrible reality show on Fox which should've been cancelled after one episode.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, live from London landmark Trafalgar Square, it's J.K. Rowling, guerilla artist Banksy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today the Cactus and Reed Show took a literary turn with author J.K. Rowling. Her Harry Potter series has captured the imaginations of children and adults all around the world. She went from being a struggling single mother to a multi-millionaire rich enough to buy and sell the Cactus and Reed Show ten times over. Ms. Rowling would not reveal any details about the forthcoming seventh and final installment in the Harry Potter series, but she did promise Willis a cameo.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Today, live from Trafalgar Square, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with special guest, Banksy, Prince Charming, Borat, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

A very special guest today on the Cactus and Reed Show, world renowned guerilla artist, Banksy. Banksy discussed not only his graffiti which can be seen in cities around the world, but his guerilla art as well including replacing Paris Hilton CDs with his own fake CDs and painting an elephant to blend in with wallpaper. A special brick wall was constructed on the set so Banksy could demonstrate his talent for the audience.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Today the Cactus and Reed Show was pre-empted for a special art installation in the studio. Intern 2A provided us with a glimpse into life at a fictional corporation, Myco. The scene depicts a smart, handsome man trying to impart his knowledge to to two ugly stepsisters who appear to be constantly belittling and ignoring him. While no one thinks this installation has any basis in fact, we continue encourage 2A to explore this fantastical world he has created for himself.

The installation will be on view for the next several days and will then relocate to a hipster art gallery in Williamsburg.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, it's Suri Cruise with Mom Katie Holmes, and at 7 foot one from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today, another Cactus and Reed exclusive, the television debut of Suri Cruise, accompanied by her "mother" Katie Holmes. The studio was abuzz the entire time with speculation about the child's real parents. Many people commented that the child looked slightly Asian, perhaps Mongolian, while others commented that she merely looks like Chris Klein. Reed conducted the entire interview as Katie would not let Suri near Cactus for fear of being pricked. After a few minutes of polite banter Suri and Katie were abruptly escorted from the set and removed from the building for violating the no-breast feeding policy, set in place when a co-worker was on the show.

**Programming Note: While our regular announcer scouts locations in Europe this week, the Producer will be filling in.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, it's 90 year old New York bartender Wong Hoy, Cesar Millan the Dog Whisperer, Shaggy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today the Cactus and Reed Show welcomed Mr. Wong Hoy, the oldest living bartender in New York City. Mr. Hoy tends the bar at the Algonquin hotel. He regaled the hosts with tales of old New York, stories from when he served Judy Garland her Johnny Walker Red Label and martinis for Frank Sinatra. Mr. Hoy himself, however, does not drink. The Head of the Goddamn Mayor also stopped by to congratulate Mr. Hoy on his longevity and have him serve the mayor's favorite drink...a fuzzy navel.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show with the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, Shaggy, Boy George, and his paparazzi.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, we had Cesar Millan, also known as The Dog Whisperer. Cesar has a hit TV show on the National Geographic Channel where uses his special dog psychology to tame nasty pooches from chihuahuas to Great Danes. Unfortunately, Cesar had no answers for our unruly co-workers.