Thursday, September 28, 2006

Today, live from the Southernmost point in the Continental United States, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with the Keymaster Rick Moranis, Keyshawn Johnson, the Keymaker, Alicia Keys, and roundtable bartender Wong Hoy.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, from one of the most beloved movies of the early 80s, Ghostbusters, the Keymaster Rick Moranis. Rick discussed that iconic movie and projects since then which didn't take very long since you can only say so much about "Honey! I Shrunk the Kids!"

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Live from the Florida Keys, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with the man that says "Just Give Me the Damn Key" Keyshawn Johnson, the Keymaker, Alicia Keys, and at seven-feet from Georgetown, Gumkey Gumkey.

Key week continued today at the Cactus and Reed Show with Carolina Panthers receiver Keyshawn Johnson. Despite bouncing from team to team and falling down depth charts in the last few season, Keyshawn Johnson remains a notable key-related celebrity. Keyshawn brought along his favorite key from the mcmansion he used to own when he could still catch the football. He also talked about his new book "Just Give Me the Damn Key" a sequel to his bestseller "Just Give Me the Damn Ball" in which he discusses his penchant for key collecting.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Live from New York, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, he has all the keys, he makes the keys, the Keymaker, surveillance tape Doug S., talkshow host and gadfly Richard Simmons, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, it's Day Two of KEY WEEK!! Today, from one of the most disappointing sequels of all time, the Matrix II, it the Keymaker. He discussed with Willis and Reed the intricate process of keymaking and key storage. He noted that drawers are especially good for hiding keys.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, live from Keyspan Park in Brooklyn, it's Alicia Keys, the High Commissioner, Sting, and Banksy.

It's KEY WEEK on the Cactus and Reed Show. All week we'll be broadcasting from Key related locations and we will have key related guests. Kicking off Key Week, the musical stylings of Alicia Keys, live from the home of the Brooklyn Cyclones, Keyspan Park.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with Sean Penn as belligerent, small-minded taskmaster Willie Stark, the High Commissioner, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, Sean Penn was here to discuss the release of his new movie, All The Kings Men. The novel is loosely based on the career of larger than life Louisiana politician Huey P. Long, the Kingfish. A large portion of the movie was filmed in and around the home town of the show's booker. The movie, while eagerly anticipated has received lukewarm reviews. Sean Penn blamed the Bush Administration and the Republican right for the poor reviews. Others blamed the overblown acting and tepid dialogue. Whatever the case, go see the movie and support the Louisiana film industry.

Thursday, September 22, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with Britain's favorite virgin, Richard Branson, Sting, Frank Gore, The High Commissioner, and Doug S.

Flying in on one of his Virgin Atlantic jets, today's guest, Richard Branson. Earlier today Branson anounced the donation of $3 billion to fight global warming. The donation was part of Bill Clinton's (considered by many to be America's Greatest President) Global Initiative which promotes action in fighting global warming, poverty, AIDS, and racial and ethnic reconciliation. While the leaders over at the U.N. were busy talking, members of Clinton's initiative were actually getting things done. Branson also took this opportunity to apologize for his horrible reality show on Fox which should've been cancelled after one episode.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed show with Willie Nelson and his magical mushroom, Sting, Frank Gore, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, here to discuss his recent arrest, Willie Nelson. Willie was recently arrested near Breaux Bridge, Louisiana after marijuana and mushrooms were found in his tour bus. The arresting officer said this was a peculiar case because whereas usually everyone denies the drugs are theirs, in this case, everyone on the bus claimed possession of the pot. Louisiana has virtually no other problems to worry about, like the rising crime rate or weak levees, so it's only appropriate that the police spend their time picking up American icons on minor drug charges.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Today, live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with running back sensation Frank Gore, J.K. Rowling, Sting, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today, in honor of the Cactus's defeat of the Vegeenas in the 855 Fantasy Football League, Cactus's leading point scorer, Frank Gore. Gore was originally considered a sleeper pick but has really come through for the Cacti. The Vegeenas suffered a tough loss after Heath Miller failed to have a career game for the second week in a row. Gore is questionable for next week however, after getting a little too friendly with Cactus, as seen in the photo above.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with special guest, Gordon Sumner, J.K. Rowling, Banksy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, Sting, who served as the musical guest as well. Sting talked about his early years in Police and his later solo albums. He was perfect for the location although no one could ever really pinpoint what his connection to Stonehenge was. Sting graced us all with a rousing rendition of "Every Breath You Take." As a child, I thought Sting and Richard Marx were the same person so I was very dissapointed when Sting refused to indulge me with his version of "Right Here Waiting."

Friday, September 15, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, live from London landmark Trafalgar Square, it's J.K. Rowling, guerilla artist Banksy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today the Cactus and Reed Show took a literary turn with author J.K. Rowling. Her Harry Potter series has captured the imaginations of children and adults all around the world. She went from being a struggling single mother to a multi-millionaire rich enough to buy and sell the Cactus and Reed Show ten times over. Ms. Rowling would not reveal any details about the forthcoming seventh and final installment in the Harry Potter series, but she did promise Willis a cameo.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Today, live from Trafalgar Square, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with special guest, Banksy, Prince Charming, Borat, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

A very special guest today on the Cactus and Reed Show, world renowned guerilla artist, Banksy. Banksy discussed not only his graffiti which can be seen in cities around the world, but his guerilla art as well including replacing Paris Hilton CDs with his own fake CDs and painting an elephant to blend in with wallpaper. A special brick wall was constructed on the set so Banksy could demonstrate his talent for the audience.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Today the Cactus and Reed Show was pre-empted for a special art installation in the studio. Intern 2A provided us with a glimpse into life at a fictional corporation, Myco. The scene depicts a smart, handsome man trying to impart his knowledge to to two ugly stepsisters who appear to be constantly belittling and ignoring him. While no one thinks this installation has any basis in fact, we continue encourage 2A to explore this fantastical world he has created for himself.

The installation will be on view for the next several days and will then relocate to a hipster art gallery in Williamsburg.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, it's star running back Ladanian Tomlinson, Borat, his royal highness The Commissioner, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today the Cactus and Reed Show welcomed the star of the 855 Fantasy Football League Team The Vegeenas. This week the Vegeenas were in a close game with Suspicious Package, needing 17 points out of their star running back to take the lead. LT delivered, as he always does, giving the Vegeenas 20 points. Suspicious Package attempted to retaliate by constantly flicking LT in an attempt to injure him. LT has now taken up permanent residence in The Swamp where he can score touchdowns in peace.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, it's Borat, Suri Cruise, The Commish, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby, Gumby.

Today on the show, Cactus and Reed welcomed Borat, here to promote his new movie, "Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." The new movie is running this week at the Toronto Film Festival. Despite show restrictions on unfair labor practices, Borat showed up pulled by a team of lovely, underpaid women from his native country of Kazakhstan.
In other news, we here at the show are happy to report that after a week of inexplicable stretching, Gumby has returned to his natural height of 7 feet.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Today on the new Cactus and Reed Show, it's 855 Football League Commissioner, PW, alien baby Suri Cruise, and at 7 feet 1 from Georgetown, Gumby, Gumby.


On today's show we welcomed the Commissioner of the 855 Fantasy League. The Commish as he is lovingly called around the office was at first hesitant to assume the mantle of commissioner. However, after he learned that he would not be responsible for collecting the money for the league he gladly accepted. The Commish, being the busy, busy man that he is, puts in long hours at the office so he has time to give the League the attention it deserves. Long after others have left, he perserveres, staying in Eliana's office, often until as late as 5:35 working on the League. The Commish discussed his life before the 855 League when he was just a shell of his former self, running a half assed IQ challenge and eating the crumbs at the bottom of Jenn Mook's Triscuit boxes. Since the League began he is a different man, donning his orange crown and red cape, becoming the man we now know as the Commish, beloved by all.




Breaking News!!!
Due to his increased popularity the Commish is now being trailed by the paparazzi. (see photo above) After leaving the show he was involved in a Princess Diana-like car crash.....read more here.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, it's Suri Cruise with Mom Katie Holmes, and at 7 foot one from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today, another Cactus and Reed exclusive, the television debut of Suri Cruise, accompanied by her "mother" Katie Holmes. The studio was abuzz the entire time with speculation about the child's real parents. Many people commented that the child looked slightly Asian, perhaps Mongolian, while others commented that she merely looks like Chris Klein. Reed conducted the entire interview as Katie would not let Suri near Cactus for fear of being pricked. After a few minutes of polite banter Suri and Katie were abruptly escorted from the set and removed from the building for violating the no-breast feeding policy, set in place when a co-worker was on the show.

**Programming Note: While our regular announcer scouts locations in Europe this week, the Producer will be filling in.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, Venus and Serena Williams, high school dropout muscial sensations Be Your Own Pet, Wong Hoy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby, Gumby.

In honor of the U.S. Open coming to New York City the Williams sisters dropped by for a chat. Reed, being a former professional athlete himself, tried to focus the conversation on sports, but all the girls wanted to talk about was online shopping and how their Dad really isn't an asshole. They also shared a drink with Wong Hoy which may explain why they never showed up at the Open. The C.A.R.S. was also happy to welcome musical sensations Be Your Own Pet. To pump the crowd up for the Open the Williams sisters joined them in a punk cover of "We Will Rock You."