Friday, January 5, 2007

(whisper) Today, on a very special Cactus and Reed, it's the hardest working man in show business, the newly departed Godfather of Soul, James Brown.

On a very special Cactus and Reed today we welcomed the recently deceased but not yet forgotten James Brown. The Godfather of Soul truely was a music legend, as evidenced by the thousands of people who lined the streets of Harlem to watch his body pass by in a white carriage with plexiglass sides, drawn by a team of white horses. He will be missed.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, live from Keyspan Park in Brooklyn, it's Alicia Keys, the High Commissioner, Sting, and Banksy.

It's KEY WEEK on the Cactus and Reed Show. All week we'll be broadcasting from Key related locations and we will have key related guests. Kicking off Key Week, the musical stylings of Alicia Keys, live from the home of the Brooklyn Cyclones, Keyspan Park.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed show with Willie Nelson and his magical mushroom, Sting, Frank Gore, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, here to discuss his recent arrest, Willie Nelson. Willie was recently arrested near Breaux Bridge, Louisiana after marijuana and mushrooms were found in his tour bus. The arresting officer said this was a peculiar case because whereas usually everyone denies the drugs are theirs, in this case, everyone on the bus claimed possession of the pot. Louisiana has virtually no other problems to worry about, like the rising crime rate or weak levees, so it's only appropriate that the police spend their time picking up American icons on minor drug charges.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Live from Stonehenge, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with special guest, Gordon Sumner, J.K. Rowling, Banksy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, Sting, who served as the musical guest as well. Sting talked about his early years in Police and his later solo albums. He was perfect for the location although no one could ever really pinpoint what his connection to Stonehenge was. Sting graced us all with a rousing rendition of "Every Breath You Take." As a child, I thought Sting and Richard Marx were the same person so I was very dissapointed when Sting refused to indulge me with his version of "Right Here Waiting."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, Venus and Serena Williams, high school dropout muscial sensations Be Your Own Pet, Wong Hoy, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby, Gumby.

In honor of the U.S. Open coming to New York City the Williams sisters dropped by for a chat. Reed, being a former professional athlete himself, tried to focus the conversation on sports, but all the girls wanted to talk about was online shopping and how their Dad really isn't an asshole. They also shared a drink with Wong Hoy which may explain why they never showed up at the Open. The C.A.R.S. was also happy to welcome musical sensations Be Your Own Pet. To pump the crowd up for the Open the Williams sisters joined them in a punk cover of "We Will Rock You."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Today on the New Cactus and Reed Show, it's Bad Boy George with The Paparazzi and Sharlynn Page and the Life Sized Butter Cow.

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, disgraced 80's showman, Boy George. This weekend Boy George fulfilled his community service requirement for filing a false police report by cleaning up trash in Chinatown and Little Italy. In true washed up 80s celebrity fashion, George had a gang of paparazzi that followed him throughout his cleanup and susequent visit to the show.

Monday August 7, 2006

Today on The New Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan, he always knows what time it is, it's Flavor Flav, with Richard Simmons, Lance Bass, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

On today's show the creative team delved into the realm of Dadaism with Flavor Flav in the cuckoo clock with 3D grill. Now that the show has a clock, it's always 10:10 on the The New Cactus and Reed Show. Flav was here to promote the second season of his VH1 celebreality show, Flavor of Love. Also on the show Lance Bass continued with his coming out of the closet tour at the Brooklyn Cyclones Stadium, but will not be visiting the Staten Island Yankees because the island is populated by intolerant Republicans.

Friday, August 4, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan, America's Poet Laureate, Robert Zimmerman!!

Lately the Cactus and Reed Show has been hit by a series of power outages and rocked by scandal. The show to rebound, to bounce back with the biggest guest the show has ever seen. The crew pulled together and pulled it off. Today, from his tour of minor league ballparks, the greatest musician of our time, or perhaps any time, Bob Dylan. So as not to offend the baseball allegiances of the producers, Mr. Dylan performed at the stadiums of both the Staten Island Yankees and the Brooklyn Cyclones. Mr. Dylan performed several selections including Simple Twist of Fate and the classic, Like a Rolling Stone.

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan, a special honeymoon edition with Pam Anderson and Kid Rock.

Today on the show, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock joined us from their honeymoon. Even though they aren't legally married, the two plan to make it official once they return to the states. The show did get a little out of control when Kid Rock and Lindsay Lohan got into an argument over some sort of unidentified white powder.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan, New York Dolls founder David Johanssen and a Cactus and Reed exclusive....Coming Out of the Closet...Lance Bass!!

The show started out with special guest David Johansen. David became the first star to ever appear on both the original Cactus and Reed Show and the new show with Lindsay Lohan. Following David's appearance, there was an exclusive interview with Lance Bass. Lance discussed his reasons for finally coming out of the closet and his relationship with former Amazing Race winner, Reichen. Lance will stick around the set to offer encouragement to anyone else who may feel the need to come out of the closet.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Today, a special musical extravaganza, the Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan. On today's show, Queen Latifah, the E Street Band, and a special guest from the beyond, The Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra!

Today's episode of Cactus and Reed is full of New Jersy natives playing everyone's favorites. We kicked things off with Queen Latifah who was joined for a duet with paranormal favorite and Hoboken native, Mr. Frank Sinatra.

Today on the Show....

Today, live from Asbury Park, New Jersey, it's the Cactus and Reed Show with Lindsay Lohan, with special musical guests Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band!

Today's show got off to a bit of a shaky start as one of our producers mysteriously disappeared for several hours. The show kicked off with our announcer, PB, needing three takes to get the opening anouncement perfect...first it was the E Steet Band, then the next take, Bruce Springstreen, but he finally got it right on the third take. There is some concern surrounding his mental health, however we hope a short vacation will rectify the situation. The band then kicked off the show with a rousing rendition of "Born to Run." After the song, the band sat down for a chat. Bruce discussed how much his recent tour with the Seeger Sessions Band sucks and how he's only doing it to up his street cred in the folk music world. Max Weinberg discussed his time with the comedic genius Conan O'Brien, and Stevie Van Zandt talked about his recent acting turn on the Sopranos. There was almost an embarrassing scene because no one knew that Patti Scialfa was actually in the band, we just thought she was "Bruce's Wife." The Big Man discussed his upcoming gastric bypass surgery and the other guitarist and the keyboardist sat silent because no one cares who they are.