Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Live from New York City, the show so nice they named it thrice it's the New new Cactus and Reed Show.

Now, at center, at 6-9 from Grambling, Number 19, Willis Reed
AND
he's as sickly and prickly asa tickly prickly pear his wit is as dry as the mojave desert please welcome newwww cactus

ladies and gentlemen please give a warm new new cactus and reed show welcome to tonight's special guest: larry hosmercules

and don't forget when things have got you down
when your bat cactus has left you burred and batty when nobody loves raymond and top ten lists leave you parched and prickly studio cube has just what you need to quench your talk show thirst it's the new new cactus and reed show with lindsay lohan!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed show, with Peter and Pieter, it's the First Annual, Cactus and Reed Show Pumpkin Eating Contest, mmmMonica Bellucci, Mario Andretti, various seasonal vegetables, and Wong Hoy. Here the contestants prepare for the contest.
Peter goes first, eating an obscene amount of pumpkin! Here he is wiping away the errant seeds.
Pieter is up next...eating a very small amount of pumpkin after too many pre-contest Wheat Thins. Here he is hanging his head in shame.
Peter wearing the official Cactus and Reed Pumpkin Eating Contest Crown. Pieter continues to hang his head.
The contestants on set.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Today on the Cactus and Reed Show, live from Sicily, it's our producer and his Giant Cannoli, mmmmMonica Bellucci, Mario Andretti, Roberto Benigni, and at seven feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today we celebrate our last day in Italy on the Cactus and Reed Show. In honor of this last day, our producer brought along his favorite part of Italy along with him to be part of the show, the Giant Cannoli. Cannolis originated in Sicily but have become popular in all corners of the world. The shells of fried pasta are usually filled with mascarpone or sweetened ricotta cheese mixed with various flavorings. While the staff appreciated the appearance of the Giant Cannoli, many of them were left longing for a real cannoli to eat.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Live from the Florida Keys, it's the Cactus and Reed Show. Today's guest, the Men's Bathroom Key, the Keymaster, Keyshawn Johnson, the Keymaker, and Alicia Keys.

Today Key Week came to a close with the star of Key Week, the Men's Bathroom Key! The staff of the Cactus and Reed Show had to go to great lengths to secure MBK as a guest. After countless hours of wandering around the office asking people to cough up the key and search their bags and homes for lost keys, we finally located MBK in a drawer. MBK was more than happy to share the story of how he was rescued, dangling from the men's bathroom door in the secluded hallway and secreted away to safety in the drawer. We at the show would like to wish MBK best of luck...may he always reside in the wicker basket.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Today on the new Cactus and Reed Show, it's 855 Football League Commissioner, PW, alien baby Suri Cruise, and at 7 feet 1 from Georgetown, Gumby, Gumby.


On today's show we welcomed the Commissioner of the 855 Fantasy League. The Commish as he is lovingly called around the office was at first hesitant to assume the mantle of commissioner. However, after he learned that he would not be responsible for collecting the money for the league he gladly accepted. The Commish, being the busy, busy man that he is, puts in long hours at the office so he has time to give the League the attention it deserves. Long after others have left, he perserveres, staying in Eliana's office, often until as late as 5:35 working on the League. The Commish discussed his life before the 855 League when he was just a shell of his former self, running a half assed IQ challenge and eating the crumbs at the bottom of Jenn Mook's Triscuit boxes. Since the League began he is a different man, donning his orange crown and red cape, becoming the man we now know as the Commish, beloved by all.




Breaking News!!!
Due to his increased popularity the Commish is now being trailed by the paparazzi. (see photo above) After leaving the show he was involved in a Princess Diana-like car crash.....read more here.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Live from New York, it's the Cactus and Reed Show, with Dennis and Karen Koslowski, nee Mayo, Rosie Perez, and Intern #1.

Today, a very special Cactus and Reed Show with the divorceable Koslowskis. Karen and Dennis first met while Karen was a waitress in Florida. Dennis soon plucked her out from among his many mistresses and made her his second wife. He lavished gifts upon her including a $2 million birthday party in Sardinia featuring a replica of the statue of David that pissed vodka and a cake in the shape of a life sized nude woman. Dennis is currently residing in a medium security federal prison because of his embezzling of millions of dollars from his former company, Tyco. Karen decided that conjugal visits once a month in a small metal trailer and millions of dollars in expendable income and properties just wasn't enough; forcing her to file for divorce earlier today. We wish them both the best of luck during this trying time and hopefully Dennis will easily find himself another bitch in prison.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Live from New York, on the New Cactus and Reed Show, today we bid a fond farewell to Intern #1, Sharlynn Page and the Butter Cow, and at 7 feet from Georgetown, Gumby Gumby.

Today, the Cactus and Reed Show bids a fond farewell to one of its own. Our very own Intern #1 is moving on to greener pastures. Even though Intern #1 was a little hesitant at first, she eventually embraced her role, coming through with such guests as Coming Out of the Closet Lance Bass and Cigar Box Fidel Castro. We can't say enough about her contributions to the show, so I'll just let her resignation letter do the talking.....

It is with great sorrow that I announce my resignation as Intern #1 from the Cactus and Reed Show. I came to know of the show during the last days at 787 when the producers would have discussions in "the parlor". MC Skilly Skillz and I were skeptical of this parlor talk show at first, but we have become lucky enough to partake in the growth and the "new direction" of the show during the Lindsay Lohan days. (By the way, I wish Ms. Lohan a speedy recovery in rehab.) Thanks to the Booker and MC Skilly Skillz for showing me the ropes of the show and allowing me to create my own guest every now and then. I have great faith that Intern #2a will be a wonderful addition to the show and it will continue to flourish amongst its porn community following and beyond. I will keep up to date on the show happenings through the blog and myspace pages and will spread the word about the greatness that is the Cactus and Reed Show at my new office. It was the best internship EVER! I hope to make it to happy hour tomorrow but if I can't I wish you all the best! Sincerely,Intern #1